The holiday season, while meant for joy and connection, can sometimes become a challenging period, particularly when different beliefs, lifestyles, and values intersect. In today's complex political and economic climate, family gatherings can become hotbeds for conflict. However, with the right tools and mindset, we can create meaningful connections while respecting our own boundaries. With the help of our Clinical Director for TELUS Health MyCare™ Counselling, we've put together a practical guide to maintaining harmony while staying true to yourself this holiday season.

Key strategies for peaceful gatherings

1. Accept what you cannot change

No matter how much we might want to, the reality is that you cannot control other people's opinions or behaviours. You can only manage your own responses and how you react to other people's opinions. Remember that everyone's views are shaped by their own unique life experiences, which may differ from yours. While you may not agree with those opinions, you can offer respect to your friends and family.

2. Master the art of conversation

Remember, in conversation, listening is more important than speaking. When someone is expressing a belief that you might not agree with, practice active listening without feeling compelled to respond.

You can set clear boundaries and not respond or engage while still holding space to initially listen. 

Try saying: 

"I'd prefer not to discuss politics tonight. Let's talk about ____ instead."

If you want to speak and share your opinions, make sure you are first acknowledging their perspective and then state your own to encourage a healthy conversation. 

Try saying: 

"I hear that ___ is important to you, and I respect that. My perspective is..."

3. Navigate hot-button topics

Parenting styles, religious beliefs, cultural traditions, dietary choices, and life choices are all very likely to be hot-button topics that act as kindling for arguments.

Understand what role you play in these as a guest or host. For example, if you have dietary restrictions as a guest, offer to bring a dish to share. If you are hosting those with dietary restrictions, consider how you can introduce a few foods that everyone can eat.

Find ways to bring cultures together through food choices, different decorations, or sharing multiple traditions. When bringing children to gatherings, have a planned game or activity for them to engage in that allows adults to have some time without children and vice versa.

4. Creating an inclusive environment

For hosts, it is already a pretty stressful situation bringing everyone together, especially when you sense a conflict brewing. As the host, you can set clear expectations around off-limit topics and make that boundary clear. You can also plan inclusive activities or conversation starters - games tend to take people out of the moment as they focus instead on playing the game.

If needed, you can also consider creating separate spaces for different age groups. Kids' table and adults' table, or activities for the teens to go off after dinner while the adults chat. Remember, hosting is already stressful; as a guest, be respectful of the work that went into hosting the event.

5. Unsolicited advice 

Unsolicited advice is a tough situation for the person receiving it. It's not helpful or constructive. Try not to contribute to this and avoid giving unsolicited advice. If no one asks for your advice, there's no need to give it.

Effective responses to unsolicited advice:

• "I appreciate that you are trying to be helpful, but let's just enjoy the evening tonight."
• "I understand that you have certain expectations about what a relationship should look like, and I am happy with my choices." 
• "I hear your ideas about kids' manners at the table and that those strategies worked for you. We are using different strategies for our children and will continue with our choices."

There is nothing wrong with stepping away from the conversation and taking a break when needed. Remove yourself from the situation by taking a walk, a bathroom break, or talking to another person.

When to seek support

If you're experiencing persistent anxiety about family gatherings, ongoing conflicts affecting relationships, or difficulty maintaining boundaries, consider reaching out to a counsellor on the TELUS Health MyCare app.¹ They can provide personalized strategies for your unique situation.

This holiday season, remember, you have the power to choose how you engage in family dynamics. Focus on creating meaningful connections while maintaining your personal boundaries and well-being. The holidays come around once a year; try to be adaptable and enjoy!

1 Users must be 16 years or older to access counselling appointments. Counselling appointments require additional payment of $120 plus applicable taxes. Any payments for appointments must be paid using a valid credit card. An in-app receipt will be provided for you to claim for reimbursement if applicable.